Broken Hearted

So I guess I just wasn`t expecting him to leave me this soon.. He just went! I mean it`s not like I did not know that it`s over, but It just came so quickly with no warning. BUUF and everything was gone, he was gone. He came like a wishing star he amazed me and then he did nothing other than disappoint me, cause my dreams didn`t come true. He left me but not only with my wishes, with my problems too. That is exactly what I was scared of, I finally put trust in someone I did let loose. I at least tried to show him all of me, the real ME. But I was right, he left anyway, my fear was justified I was so scared of opening up to him and I still am. I am just not good at talking about my feelings to people, I can get so cold. I cannot tell you why I do that. But if somebody get to close, I completely close the doors, I just shut them out. I won`t say I let the doors to my heart wide open for him, but I let him glance in and that already was a big step for me and what do I have now? A broken heart, I never wanted to be the broken hearted girl. I know that`s kind off not avoidable but I`d rather be the cold hearted girl than the broken one.

I know it`s not his or mine fault the relationship didn`t work out, it was OUR fault we both where just living our own life`s, never really sharing a lot with the other one. That worked because our love was, what kept us strong but in the end there was only love and effort on one side and that just wasn`t enough, it just wasn`t.

I am not going to fall into a hole, I am not that kind of person. One thing I`ve learned from this relationship is that you need to make time for the people you love and sometimes you need to give certain things up for the one who`s most important to you. And if you are not willing to do that, it simply won`t work. You know maybe we are better off with each other, maybe it wasn`t meant to be with 16 you should be looking all pink at the world when you`re in love. I guess it shouldn`t have been this complicated already. I never wanted a relationship anyway, I knew I wasn`t ready. I need to live my own life first, I am still such an egoist and so focused on myself. For God`s sake I can be focused on myself, I am 16 years old I have to figure it all out first.

Also I am pretty good at being single I get along with myself damn fine I can worry about being alone when I am 23 or something. I know I will have my heart broken a few times more but it`s not all bad, I never really regret anything, you can only learn from people.

Actually it`s that time of the year where most couples call it quits. Although I wasn`t the one who ended it, I think I get why he did it now…. Let`s just say I am excited who my new year`s kiss will be, suddenly I can assure you that it won`t be him anymore and I think I deserve better, so take that!

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!