At the moment I am reading a book called `All the bright places` it`s about a boy who wants to kill himself but then he falls in love with this popular girl Violet. The story is unbelievably beautiful and if your heart isn`t made out of steel, believe me you will cry at the end! It`s so beautifully written and once again it`s about a boy who wants to kill himself.
In today`s world we are so confronted with suicide. In Switzerland every four days a teenager kills themselves. We watch Tv shows like 13 reasons why, we read books about it and we can`t help but think about it. And sometimes it even happens in our own group of friends, I think it only really gets to you if someone you knew did it, if you thought about it yourself or even if you tried it yourself.
I am glad I am better now, but what would`ve happened if I didn`t got better, what would I have done if it would`ve gotten worse? The thing with depression is, it can hit everyone you can have a good life, friends and family, people who love you but there can only be one thing that`s destroying you. Maybe it isn`t even about your life or the people around you, to me it felt like it was deep inside hidden right behind my smile and I just couldn`t get it out there. I tried I really did, I wanted to get better but I was trapped, trapped inside the darkness and I know so many teenagers felt or still are feeling like this and let me tell you it`s awful, and only some of us make it out of their own depression.
Jennifer Niven writes so detailed about what it felt like for Finch, he explained how it feels to be in the darkness and how absent you can feel it almost makes sense, I think. I wanted to get out of that darkness so badly. And I did it, I actually can`t really tell you how or when exactly because that`s pushed in the back of my mind, only coming back at my lowest days. To be completely honest with you, I still sometimes feel the urge to jump in front of the train and then I ask myself what would`ve happen right when it`s passing in front of me and once again I am glad I didn`t jump.
I still sometimes get in these moods, but they are never as bad as they used to be.
It`s a miracle to me how we can actually get so sad, but it happens and it happens to so many people. I guess we will never get used to people killing themselves, because it really is an awful act and to think about it makes my heart go cold. But it does happen and we can`t pretend anymore that it doesn`t. It`s here and present, I`d like to say it`s alive but it`s not, it`s so dark and cold I can`t describe it like that.
`May your eye go to the sun, to the wind your soul… you are all the colors in one, at full brightness.`
-Jennifer Niven / All the bright places