Losing someone

In films real life moments are so softened out, overplayed with some emotional music, fitting perfectly and leading you into feeling what seems right in that very moment. Films, do show hard life situations, but they`re never the same behind a screen it`s never as harsh or pure as it is in real life. I think that is because in real life, it is our own situation, we combine it with our feelings, it`s our life, it`s not just something that happens in a movie. Although sometimes we literally feel like we are in a movie. It almost feels too present to be true. This Sunday we were going to scatter my grandfather’s dead, burned body in the sea. We went on a sailing boat, because my grandfather is from Holland and all he did half of his life, was living on the water always being near to the sea and letting the salt breeze trough his hair. Honestly I didn`t know anyone his age who was able to do walk on his hands and jump around as if he was still 20.

Until he was diagnosed with cancer, it`s crazy how you can almost watch someone’s life being taken away by a disease that is not only destroying your body, but your heart and your mind too. You could literally see how death is taking his body over and over, until he finally died.

He and my Grandma had the most beautiful marriage you could imagine they did everything together! They literally couldn`t go a day without seeing each other and that, till the very end. My Grandma is now completely destroyed. Her whole joy of life was taken away within one day. I know she is never going to be the same, all the things they`ve experienced in their life, she cannot forget how beautiful it was when he was still there and I understand. I`d only be hoping to find someone in my life who will be as kind and as supportive as they were to each other. With all the beauty they had in their life, there was a very low point.

They lost their son at the age 18 my mom lost her little brother when she was just 20. They`ve gone through a lot but my mom raised us to be honest to be kind, to our family and we are. We tell each other almost everything. And she does that, because my grandparents did the same with her. They help each other through it all and I admire my grandparents so much for teaching my mom the most important thing in life, to love your family and I admire my Mom for teaching all of us 3 kids and even for teaching my father because he never got to learn that at his home. Because my grandparents were such a strong team they left a piece everywhere they went and that is the most beautiful thing ever, but that is not making it easier. Everyone knew them and everyone loved them. So when he went, so much people were involved. So much people were hurt and my grandma lost it all. I cannot imagine being with one person your whole life for almost every day and then just losing them. It just shows how powerful love can really be, if you really love someone deeply from your heart until they die you`ve done it right. Love is key it always will be.

But back to Sunday, we stood there on that sailing boat and I felt like I was in a movie it felt so emotional so unreal. My Grandma strew his ash in the sea and right behind there came rose petals from all of us the sea carried them away so quickly I couldn`t even say goodbye and so did he, he just went. But as I was looking around I realized that, that was what life is going to be like. No emotional music in the background to tell you how you should feel in that moment. All you can hear is everyone’s tears rolling right down their cheek. You can hear their nose running you can hear the awkward noises we make when we are deeply hurt, trying to let somebody go who has done so much not only for us as his family, but for many, many other people.

My 10-year-old sister was balling her eyes out not fully understanding what was going on. I was looking at her broken little heart and all I could think was:  Life is harsh, pure, honest, not always fun but it is real! Not like a movie, but I hope she will see the sunny side first, it`s getting complicated soon enough.